Screenwriting Advice: The One Word Your Logline MUST Have!

One of the topics I frequently see in screenwriting discussion groups revolves around rookie writers looking for feedback on their loglines.

The VOTE Method provides a clear formula that helps writers develop compelling loglines, but it doesn't quite go far enough.

In case you missed it, the original formula goes like this: 

[Protagonist] [uses Tactics] against [Obstacles] to [achieve Victory] so that they can [fulfill Emotional Need].

The "new and improved" formula contains a "special ingredient":

[Protagonist] must [achieve Victory] by [using Tactics] to [overcome Obstacles] so that they can [fulfill Emotional Need].

For instance, the revised logline for Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse would look like this:

A teenager with spider-powers must save New York City by teaming up with heroes from alternate universes to defeat a squad of super-villains so that he can learn what it takes to be a hero.

This revised formula gives us a logline for Rocky that looks like this.

An underachieving boxer must last for fifteen rounds against the World Heavyweight Champion by using unconventional training methods so that he can win the love of a young woman.

For 1917, the logline would look like this:

Two young soldiers must deliver new orders to the front lines against enemy troops and air attacks by crossing miles of bombed-out territory so that they can save their fellow troops, including one soldier's brother.

So what's the difference between the "original recipe" and the "new flavor"?

The difference is a four-letter word:

MUST.

Your story doesn't move forward because your protagonist "chooses" to pursue a Victory. 

Your story moves forward because your protagonist MUST pursue that Victory.

In the traditional "Hero's Journey" story structure, the "threshold" represents the point at which the protagonist MUST pursue their Victory. When they cross that threshold, they MUST try to overcome their Obstacles, apply their Tactics, and fulfill their Emotional Need.

In Act I, your protagonist may waffle and waver over whether to go after what they want, but they MUST pursue that Victory for the story to start. 

This aspect shows why "MUST" makes for a vital component in the logline. 

• "MUST" shows the reader the Victory the protagonist has to pursue, as well as the Emotional Need that the protagonist MUST try to fulfill in that pursuit.
• "MUST" signifies the urgency and drive behind the pursuit of the Victory. 
• "MUST" tells the audience that the protagonist will do anything to achieve that Victory, no matter how dangerous, violent, illegal, unethical, or just plain stupid.

This logline formula can also help writers overcome "writer's block". Writer's block typically comes from the lack of a clear idea as to which direction the story should follow.

This logline formula gives the writer a clear direction for the character, so the issues that could block the writer's progress stem less from where the story is going, and more from how the protagonist will get to where they MUST go.

When you include MUST in your logline, you get your script one step closer to becoming a MUST read.

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During this holiday season, Story Into Screenplay wants to give you a gift that will help your writing move forward in 2021 and beyond.

From now until until Christmas Eve, Story Into Screenplay will offer FREE logline reviews (limit one per response) for readers who use the formula described above.

You can submit your loglines through the form on this page. You can also send them in a direct message through the Story Into Screenplay Facebook page, or in an email with the subject "Logline Review" to storyintoscreenplayblog[at]gmail[dot]com.

You can also take advantage of the "10 Pages for $10" script evaluation or schedule a one-on-one consulting session with a professional script reader by contacting Story Into Screenplay through any of the methods mentioned above. 

Keep writing! Good luck and have a great holiday season!

Toy Story: Screenwriting and Visualization

When I wrote about getting your best writing from your dumbest idea, I had to put my money where my mouth was. As I mentioned a few months ago, I bought some loose action figures from a local toy store and started working on a script.

I wrote a quick ten-page sample and sent it and the pitch deck to a friend who had produced some of my earlier short films. He encouraged me to expand the script to a full episode length (30 minutes) and update the pitch deck. 

One trick I've used as I've worked on the script involves having the "actors" (i.e. toys) on my desk. This trick helps me visualize each scene. Instead of trying to imagine how the scene should look, I can set it up on my desk and "play" through the scene as I write.

While playing with toys may sound ridiculous to those who imagine themselves as "serious" writers, just take a minute to think about the screenwriting process. 

(If you have a problem with playing with toys, take it up with this guy!) 

When you write a script, you're writing it with the end goal of having actors move how you want, say what you want, and deliver the performance that you want.

If you use toys to represent your actors and your desk to represent the setting, you can create the scene that you want right in front of your eyes.

This trick can also help you "write visually", as you can describe the characters, the costumes, the setting, and the action that you create with the toys, while keeping the dialogue to a minimum.

Whether you're writing an epic superhero action series, or a small, intimate drama about a troubled family, action figures and accessories can serve as useful visual tools to help you develop your writing skills.

With the holiday season coming up, you won't even get funny looks from the store clerks (or delivery drivers) when you're a grown adult buying a bunch of action figures. They'll just assume the toys are Christmas gifts. They don't need to know that these toys are your "cast".

The bad news: Don't expect great performances from your action figures. Their range of expressions are limited and can come across as "wooden" (or at least "molded plastic").

The good news: Your efforts with plastic people will serve as extensive preparation for working in Hollywood!

One place where you won't work with plastic people is at Story Into Screenplay.

Story Into Screenplay offers script coverage reports, one-on-one consultation, and rewriting services. 

No matter what stage of the writing process you're in, no matter your experience level as a writer, Story Into Screenplay can help.

If you have a script and want a professional review from an experienced coverage writer, Story Into Screenplay's "10 Pages for $10" offer is still available through the holiday season.

For more information, you can email storyintoscreenplayblog(at)gmail(dot)com, fill in the form on this page, or send a direct message through the Story Into Screenplay Facebook page.

Good luck! 

Stay well! 

Keep writing!

Screenwriting and Fine Dining: Make the First Bite the Best

Have you ever eaten at a fine dining restaurant?

Have you taken the first bite of a dish, only to find that it tasted like hot garbage?

How did it feel when you took that first bite and knew that the food was bad?

Did you keep eating? Did you hope it would get better?

Did you finish your plate, even when the thought of another bite made you want to throw up?

Or did you stop eating? Did you send it back? Did you complain to the manager? 

Did the chef ever tell you, "it gets better as you go"?

Did you ever go back to that restaurant again?

Let's say you're a forgiving person and you give that restaurant another shot.

You order the same dish, in hopes that it'll be better this time.

You take that first bite.

Now it feels like a choir of angels singing on your tongue.

The first bite was so good, you took another bite. And another. And another.

You finish the entire dish without even realizing it.

Now look at your screenplay. 

How good is your first page?

Do you expect a reader to go through your poorly-written first page?

Do you want to tell the reader, "It gets better as you go"?

If you were reading it as an outsider, would you want to finish the page?

Is there anything on Page 1 that would make someone want to turn to Page 2?

If you want to impress producers, agents, and contest judges, you have to make Page 1 so compelling that they NEED to turn to Page 2.

Make that first bite the best. 

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Now's your time to take advantage of the "House Special".

Most scripts succeed or fail on the strength of the first ten pages.

If you want a professional screenplay reader to evaluate your first ten pages, Story Into Screenplay can help.

Story Into Screenplay offers a "10 Pages for $10" special.

Get a professional evaluation on the first ten pages of your feature film screenplay or TV pilot script for only $10.

With every evaluation, you'll also receive a FREE sample chapter from the upcoming book, The VOTE Method: How To Create Strong Characters For Your Screenplay.

For more information, including a sample evaluation, email storyintoscreenplayblog[at]gmail[dot]com with the subject line "10 Pages for $10 Special".

You can also fill in the form on this page or send a direct message through the Story Into Screenplay Facebook page.

The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard

In this time of isolation and limited social contact, some writers may find themselves with ample time, either to consider new projects or to take a new look at some old concepts.

At one time or another, anyone who has ever considered writing has had an idea that they looked at, thought about, turned over in their mind, and declared:

"That idea is too stupid!" 

"I could never write about something so ridiculous!" 

"No one would ever buy into it!"

This premise flips the concept behind the first post in this blog on its head.

So many rookie writers believe that the idea is what sells the story. While a "high concept" is a valuable part of any screenplay, it's not what makes or breaks the script.

As we've seen so many times in this blog, the most vital component of any script is characterization.

Strong characters can sell an audience on the silliest concepts.

Here are two loglines that would have gotten any writer laughed out of a producer's office a decade ago:

Logline #1: A band of space criminals, including a three-foot-tall talking raccoon with a gun fetish and an eight-foot-tall walking tree that repeats the same three words over and over, must stop a patriotic zealot from gaining control of a shiny purple rock.

Logline #2: A hip-hop Broadway musical explores the life of the first U.S. Secretary of the Treasury.

Strong characters can help writers put a new spin on an old story.

Here are two possible loglines for two highly different stories:

Logline #1: A teenage boy on a desert planet discovers that he has mental superpowers, joins a ragtag band of rebels, and overthrows an evil empire.

Logline #2: A teenage boy on a desert planet discovers that he has mental superpowers, joins a ragtag band of rebels, and overthrows an evil empire.

No idea is so brilliant that it doesn't need strong characters.

No idea is so dumb that it can't work with strong characters.

If you're stuck on what to do with your writing efforts, consider these two options:

Option #1: Take the dumbest idea you've ever had. Make it work by creating a set of characters (protagonist, antagonist, supporting characters) using the VOTE Method and start from there.

Option #2: Take the premise of the dumbest movie you've ever seen. Make it work with completely different characters by creating a set of characters (protagonist, antagonist, supporting characters) using the VOTE Method and start from there.

For myself, I'm taking Option #1 and creating a series of shorts based on a bunch of old action figures I found at a local toy store. 

I even created a "pitch deck", as if I was going to pitch it to producers instead of using it as a way to learn how to shoot and edit video for myself.

If you're still stuck, or if you want help developing your ideas, contact Story Into Screenplay. 

Story Into Screenplay offers script coverage reports, one-on-one consultation, and rewriting services. 

No matter what stage of the writing process you're in, no matter your experience level as a writer, Story Into Screenplay can help.

If you have a script and want a professional review from an experienced coverage writer, Story Into Screenplay's "10 Pages for $10" offer is still available for a limited time.

For more information, you can email storyintoscreenplayblog(at)gmail(dot)com, or send a direct message through the Story Into Screenplay Facebook page.

Good luck! 

Stay well! 

Keep writing!

Top 10 Pet Peeves of a Professional Script Reader

One of the steps an aspiring screenwriter should go through on the way to improving their skills is to submit their script for a coverage report.

As a coverage reader for Coverfly, the Austin Film Festival, and for private clients, as well as a former screenplay contest judge, I've read hundreds of spec scripts in nearly every genre.

In many cases, I can judge the quality of a script before I even start reading it. In others, it may take five or ten pages. Within the first fifteen pages, I can tell whether a script will be a fun read or a test of mental endurance.

Here are the Top 10 Pet Peeves of a Professional Script Reader:

Scripts Over 120 Pages

If I get a feature script that's more than 110 pages, I start to feel dread.

If it's over 120, I cringe. 

If it's over 130, I know I'm in for a long haul. 

If you can't tell your story in under 120 pages, you need either to cut it down before submitting it or stretch it out into a longer form, such as a novel or TV series.

Poor Formatting

Spec screenplays have a very specific format. If you think that the format "restricts your creativity", then you should look at another form of storytelling. 

A lack of proper formatting shows that you don't want to play by the rules. 

When you get on the level of a Tarantino or Apatow, you can afford to thumb your nose at the rules.

When you're Joe Nobody with only one script under your belt, you play by the rules or you don't get to play at all.

This also goes for rules regarding ALL CAPS, bold type, or italics. Spec scripts should have exciting stories, but the type should be as plain as possible.

Poor Spelling and Grammar

If you want to market yourself as a writer, you have to show an understanding of proper writing techniques. 

When you submit a script with spelling and grammar errors, it tells me as a reader that you didn't care enough about the script to take the time to have it proofread. If you didn't care about it that much, then why should I?

Also, spellcheck is not the be-all/end-all of proofreading. If I see one more "you're/your" or "their/there/they're" mistake in a script, I won't need a quarantine haircut, because I'll pull all my hair out.

Long Stretches of Dialogue or Description

Spec screenplays are visual blueprints of the story. 

When I see a column of continuous dialogue that fills half a page or more, I want to take a hacksaw to my monitor and chop it down to size. 

When I see a paragraph of flowery description, I want to trade the hacksaw for a chainsaw.

White space is your friend. Break up the dialogue and description into bite-sized pieces rather than king-sized chunks.

Personality Traits in Character Introductions

"John is a smart, hip, cool dude."  "Mary is a beautiful, devious femme fatale." "Mr. Moneybags is an evil, cruel sadist."

Remember the old writer's adage: "Show, Don't Tell"? 

Don't TELL me John is smart. SHOW him doing something smart.

Don't TELL me Mary is devious. SHOW her doing something devious.

Don't TELL me Mr. Moneybags is a sadist. SHOW him doing something sadistic.

The same goes for including character emotions in descriptions. 

"He feels sad. She's scared. He's overjoyed at the news."

Kill these with fire!

"CUT TO:"

This pet peeve falls under the formatting category. A new slugline indicates a change in the scene, which implies a cut. The script doesn't need a "CUT TO" at that point. 

The same goes for "MATCH CUT" or "SMASH CUT" or "CROSS CUT" or any other editing cues.

"We See/Hear"

If the script conveys a visual cue, then the reader will pick up on that image. If it conveys a sound cue, the reader will pick up on that sound. "We see/hear" is both distracting and redundant.

Director/Producer Notes

If your script is so complex that you need to explain how it works to a producer or director, then you might want to look at simplifying the story. 

Most producers and directors disregard these notes and shoot the story based on the resources they have available, not based on the writer's demands.

Unless you're producing and shooting your script all by yourself, you don't get to "direct from the page".

Dialogue as Exposition

This trope is especially prevalent in science fiction and fantasy scripts, when the writer needs to explain how the world works. It also appears in other types of stories when a character needs to relate backstory to the audience, such as using a TV or radio report in the background to convey information.

This trope also serves as a prime example of the "long dialogue" issue. The writer uses a character to lecture to the others (and to the audience). This kind of dialogue is a drag to read, as it takes away any dramatic tension from the scene.

Dialect in Dialogue

Some writers want to get creative and write their dialogue in a dialect or accent. These attempts often make the dialogue unreadable. The same principle applies to dialogue in a language other than English. 

Some scripts try to use only the foreign language, while others try to include both English and the foreign language in the same dialogue block. The job of reading scripts in English is hard enough without needing to consult Google Translate or reading the same line twice in two different languages.

Now that you know about the problems that could hurt your score on a coverage report, I'll bet you want to know all about the solutions to these problems.

That's where Story Into Screenplay can help!

Story Into Screenplay offers coverage reports and script consultations, as well as writing, rewriting, and proofreading services.

You can see how Story Into Screenplay can work for you by taking advantage of this offer:

Get a professional evaluation of the first ten pages of your feature film or TV pilot script for only $10.

For more information, email Story Into Screenplay at storyintoscreenplayblog[at]gmail[dot]com with the subject "10 Pages for $10 Special ''.

You can also send a direct message to the Story Into Screenplay Facebook page and mention the special.

To see a sample coverage report, check out this evaluation of the screenplay for "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse".

Don't "pass" up this opportunity. 

"Consider" this a chance to work with an experienced, professional screenwriter and script reader.

Be sure to "recommend" this and other articles to your screenwriting colleagues.

Good luck and keep writing!

Making Your Script Matter

As writers, especially in times of isolation, we tend to live inside our heads. We imagine how our stories will look to an audience. We visualize how the characters and events will play out on screen.

However, we often forget about the dozens of people, hundreds of hours, and millions of dollars needed to translate that vision from the page to the screen.

After watching the HBO documentary The Last Watch, about the making of the final season of Game of Thrones, writers can gain a new insight into the effort that it takes to make a feature film or TV series.

In the case of Game of Thrones, it took dozens of technicians, hundreds of extras, and millions of dollars to bring Season Eight to screens around the world.

When you watch that documentary, you'll see the effort that it takes to do something as simple as creating snowfall, or making sure a wig looks good and fits right, or working three months in a row exclusively at night.

Many of the talented and creative individuals who worked on that show also became fans of that show, either through the books or through their work on the set.

Your task as a writer is to create the kind of following that will drive actors, directors, camera operators, food vendors, drivers, and dozens of other people to sacrifice their physical well-being, their mental health, and their time with their families just to put your script on the screen.

If your script fails to inspire that level of devotion in everyone from the producer to the lead actor to the craft service workers, your words will never make it to the screen.

If you believe that your writing is "good enough" to make it in Hollywood and that the "evil gatekeepers" are locking you out of the opportunities you "deserve", you need to relieve yourself of that delusion right now.

You owe it to yourself, potential producers, directors, actors, and anyone whoever looks at the script to make it as powerful and affecting as it can be. The better your script is, the more talent and the higher quality of talent your project will attract, both in front of and behind the cameras.

Do you want the people who work on your movie to enjoy getting up in the morning and going to the set? Or do you want them to treat it like just another job?

Which option is going to result in a top-notch finished product? If you were working on your movie, how would you want to feel?

That's what I thought.

But how can you make sure that your script inspires that level of passion and dedication from the people who'll work on your set?

The answer comes down to two words:

Strong characters.

Actors want to play strong characters.

Directors want to tell stories with strong characters.

Audiences want to pay money to see strong characters, whether that money comes from a movie theater box office, a download purchase, or streaming subscription fees.

If you want to learn how to write strong characters for your script, Story Into Screenplay can help.

Story Into Screenplay offers coverage services, script rewriting services, one-on-one consultations, and more.

As an introductory offer, Story Into Screenplay will offer feedback on the first 10 pages of your feature film or TV pilot script for only $10.

Email storyintoscreenplayblog[at]gmail.com or send a direct message to our Facebook page for more information. As a bonus, you will receive the introductory chapter to the upcoming book, The VOTE Method: How To Create Strong Characters.

When you're ready to create a script that will draw a devoted following, Story Into Screenplay will be ready to help.

Screenwriting Advice: Make Me Care About Your Story

Many aspiring writers, especially screenwriters, have a passionate need to tell their personal stories. 

They feel these stories so intensely because they lived through those events. 

The writer gets so emotionally invested in the story that they feel the need to tell it in the widest forum possible.

They spend months (or even years) writing their script about these deeply personal experiences, only to get nothing but silence in response. 

This lack of connection may make the writer wonder where the problem lies.

The problem doesn't lie in the details. 

Most writers of personal stories are so committed to getting their "true story" out there that they forget that the audience is less interested in the "true" part and much more invested in the "story" part.

The writer will say, "This really happened!" 

The audience will respond, "We don't care!"

The best way to get a wide audience to relate to a personal story is to find what makes that story relatable. 

That statement may sound like circular logic, but it's actually pretty simple.

Audiences relate to characters much more than they do ideas, events, or philosophies. 

The biggest hurdle that writers of personal stories encounter often lies less in their lack of writing skills and more in their lack of giving an audience a way to relate to their deeply personal experiences.

When you give an audience a relatable character undergoing a struggle, that audience will stay glued to the screen to see how that character gets through, over, or around that struggle.

In the telling of a deeply personal story, the writer may be tempted to create an avatar of themselves as the protagonist. 

They want the audience to relate to them (the writer) through the character, rather than relating to the character itself.

For those writers, professional readers will have some very bad news:

It's not about you. 

It's not about your deep personal trauma. 

It's not about you dealing with your insane family, either for comic or dramatic effect. 

It's not about what you lived through or how you lived through it. 

It's definitely not about your need for sympathy or recognition or a shoulder to cry on.

If you need to work through your personal trials and tribulations, seek professional help from a trained and licensed therapist.

If you need to work through your script to see if the story is relatable to an audience, seek professional help from an experienced screenplay evaluator. (#shamelessplug)

A screenplay is not supposed to be a memoir. A screenwriter is not supposed to be a historian. 

Your job as a screenwriter is not to tell a "true story". Your job is to tell an entertaining story.

The truth in a screenplay doesn't lie in how it relates every tiny incident that happened to the writer.

The truth of a story is based in how it conveys the emotional experience that those true events provoked.

Don't try to deliver precise factual truth. Deliver universal emotional truth.

For writers, emotional truth is the highest truth of all.

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If you want professional feedback on your script, Story Into Screenplay can help.

You can get an evaluation from a reader who has been a screenplay contest judge for the American Black Film Festival and a coverage writer for the Austin Film Festival.

Get an evaluation on the first ten pages of your feature screenplay or TV pilot for only $10.

You'll also receive the introductory chapter to the upcoming book "The VOTE Method" FREE with your purchase.

For more details, you can email storyintoscreenplayblog[at]gmail[dot]com, fill out the form on this page, or send a direct message to the Story Into Screenplay Facebook page.